As a kid, Mother’s Day was a fun day to celebrate my beautiful mom with homemade cards and a special meal or gift. She taught us how to be creative, serve others, care for one another and love God. Moments of baking in my EZ Bake oven beside my mom and watching her sew clothes for my dolls sparked a desire inside me of having children of my own one-day.
As an adult, my dream of having children died with my first marriage. I mourned the children that would never grow in my womb, the baby snuggles, toddler steps, first day of school, the play dates and birthday parties, baking with my own daughter or watching their t-ball and soccer games. For several years my heart hurt on Mother’s Day as I watched other women with their children and those awkward moments where people debated whether or not to say Happy Mother’s Day.
Slowly, God healed my heart and allowed me to enjoy Mother’s Day celebrating my mom and my friends who had entered a new phase in life. My heart and life were whole. “See I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland” Isaiah 43:19
My mom frequently used shoe boxes or something like that to disguise the actual gift we were opening. She loves to see the expression on someone’s face as they open the gift she thoughtfully picked out for them. I wonder if God does the same thing with our hopes and dreams.
God allowed me to become a mother. The package didn’t look like anything I had dreamed or imagined, but it is good! He allowed my picture of my dreams to die so He could paint the blessing on a different canvas and fulfill the desires of my heart. My beautiful girls came into my life at ages 14 and 18 after I met their dad and now husband through online dating.
As I sat in the nail salon and the technician asked if I had plans for Mother’s Day, my heart was happy to be able to say yes, I was getting my nails done with my oldest daughter who surprised us with a visit. My youngest daughter was getting ready for her Senior Prom and would be taking pictures at our house. My husband had sent me flowers with a card that touched my heart. I had to stop thinking about God’s goodness. Tears of joy threatened to stream down my face uncontrollably (which they did once I left the salon).
Motherhood comes in so many different packages. Each one comes with it’s own blessings and challenges. Trusting God to heal my broken dreams, allowing Him to paint a new picture, allowed me to love my girls like my own.
Today, my mind and prayers continue to live with those who dread this day because it rips open the scars of pain … a child gone too soon, a mom who didn’t provide a safe home, a dream of being a mom that seems like it will never be fulfilled, a heart that aches to hug their mom one more time …